I. Cannot. Take. It. Any. More.
I'm hoping to transfer schools because of stuff I'm too sleep deprived to explain, but that's not the point. No, no.
The point is I need a portfolio of recent stuff. But hah hah. The magical aspect. Basically everything I've drawn is absolutely useless for a portfolio of this kind for a school of this kind for a major of this kind.
So every day for the past month I've been working day in and day out in building a portfolio from scratch. And here's the really, really fun part: My deadline was November 20. So I'm already running behind schedule.
( Oh no, that's not the really fun part. The really fun part is the bit where the portfolio requires things I have no training in. )Aaargh. I've picked up my game for the past week and completely deprived myself of distraction, and how's that worked out? Well lesse, I learned to cook, cleaned my room, and mastered the art of trolling. Yep. I was two pictures shy of completing my portfolio, at least in terms of content, tonight and what did I do? Watched movies, trolled, and now I'm updating my journal. When I'm less stressed I swear I'm going to just write about the weird shit that went down when I quit the internet to work on this, among them getting kicked out of the house a few weeks ago (very effective when you're living in a dorm,) getting forbidden to go to Brazil to see my family this christmas because of these reasons, smashing my foot against a door and only not breaking it because of my love for whole-milk based chocolate milk (BONES. LIKE. STEEL.) And other assorted things.
My consolation is, and has always been, my friends. At the time I got kicked out I was also very sick and therefore very scared, with the added fright of working on this portfolio. Luckily my friends were there for me to just calm me down and support me, just by being themselves and being there. I got kicked out a couple of days before thanksgiving break when I was supposed to spend the week at home, and feeling a bit bummed by that, and then Isa actually invited me over to her house to spend thanksgiving with her and her family which was absolutely awesome. I spent a real American thanksgiving, in fonkin'
Brooklyn which was hardfuckincore. Also, only Isa could turn Black Friday into Real Life PVP. Hanging out with her and Stiv took my mind off things that just sucked, and then having someone to talk to about all this portfolio crap just helped me relax, moreso when she sat me down and gave me advice on what I needed to do and work on. And then we took all our art shit, laid it out in front of us, and proceeded to marathon Knight's Tale and Ever After, if it weren't for ending it with the Last Samurai I think we all would have gone into severe menopause from sheer estrogen overload. I swear I'm just now getting over the side effects by marathoning G.I Joe and Terminator: Salvation. Instead I may now be growing a beard! Also Deena was super awesome about what kind of stuff I needed to do and what I needed to work on for this school. If it weren't for them I do think I would have gone into a meltdown.
And Ballet, which has worked so well as a stress reliever in the past, is now another war zone of a different kind as Nutcracker mania has gone full speed ahead. But that's another rant for another day.
So that's my procrastination for the past, oh, half hour. I'm still not done, I'm still stressed, but until I finish this it'll only get worse. I'm nearly done yet it feels like it just got all the harder. I know if I get rejected from this school, there's two more I could apply to, so why am I letting so much ride on this school? There was a school I fell in love with when I was fourteen, SCAD, to the point I actually visited the place, yet eversince one of the people I idolised as a kid went there, graduated and then ended up working at wal mart for years before getting her masters in teaching I've been deathly afraid of the place, and until recently, art schools in general. It took me three years to get over this fear, and now when I look at these empty pages in this portfolio I just end up being reminded that I'm not sixteen anymore, that all this time has been wasted, that the stuff I brushed off as 'useless' and 'boring' as a kid could have spared me all this stress. As I said on my forums, if only I could have one more week in 'Draw a grapefruit and a vase in front of a window' class again, but I don't have a week anymore. Hell I didn't have a week last week or the week before that.
Shit guys. I'm growing up. Fuck that bullshit, stop the train, I want off. Let me be nineteen again and stuck inside my house with nothing but Rome, Dexter and Tudors and an RP to catch up with. You know the other name for our generation, Generation Y? The Boomerang Generation, because after we move out, we all end up moving back in. Well, been there, done that, time to suck it up and move ahead.